Wednesday, August 20, 2008

A Tribute

Today, we salute you, Mr. Kitchen & Bath Vinyl Installer. You showed up for work on day #187 of construction ready to show this house who's boss.
You brought the biggest air compressor on wheels and the mother of all staple guns. This was "Man Work" and the wimpy tools simply wouldn't do.
After all the thin plywood was cut to fit and laid this kitchen floor was smooth as butta. To make sure this floor wasn't going anywhere you started adhering it to the subfloor. Of course, you knew that one inch staples meant they needed to one inch apart, at a maximum; you were weren't getting fired today.
So away you went all bent over stapling 48279 staples into this smooth kitchen floor. Just a few staples along each seam would not be enough action for you, this floor needed to stay for eternity.
While nothing can compare to the feeling of the kickback of the gun or the poof of air that it sends towards you, blowing your greasy, blond locks, we really know you were just trying to impress the other construction crew with your massively powerful staple gun. You made sure everyone saw just how deep it drove staples into the floor "Hey Chuck, look at this staple; now you see it (ka-wham) now you don't." You followed up with the brand name and store name where you purchased your massively powerful staple gun so everyone could be like you.
Oh, but you are a special one Mr. Kitchen & Bath Vinyl Installer; there won't be anyone that can ever copy your level of staple expertise. Your work will be forever cursed admired in the years to come.

Now that I was able to semi-joke about this removal of our vinyl floor in the kitchen I will tell you somewhat of our experience. I mentioned that grouting sucks, well grouting is a mere inconvenience. Ripping up the thin, layer splintering, staple ridden plywood under vinyl sucks. What sucks more is sitting on your duff for a couple hours each night after the kids are in bed pulling out the 27328 one inch staples left in the floor. The other 20951 staples were designed to rip your hands to shreds as they stuck out of the plywood while being pried up from the floor. This has taken the gold medal of "worst project ever" from the cabinet painting project who now proudly wears the silver medal.

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