In control

Is there one clear person who is in control in your marriage or do you have a nice 50/50 split? I think I've figured out who is in control in our marriage and I have to say I'm not too sure that is a good thing to realize.

We drive a Toyota Sienna mini-van (with which we are completely happy with) and it's starting to age. We've had it for a little over 5 years and we've racked up around 87,000 miles in that time (oh the joy of living far away from family.) It is setting a new record of "longest car we've ever owned" with each new mile on the odometer. The darn thing just won't break and go to van heaven. But, Toyota released a new, redesigned Sienna so of course we are nosy curious to find out what is different than ours. So, one day after work J did just that; he stopped at the Toyota dealership to check out the new vans.

So the salesman calls last week, I didn't answer the phone and let the answering machine get it. When J got home from work I told him about the message and he basically told me that he was just being nosy curious and didn't give the guy any indications of buying.

Mr. Salesman called back today and I decided to pick up.

Mr. Salesman: Hi, is J.... there?

Me: No

Mr. Salesman: Oh, this is Mr. 'bug the crap out of you' Salesman just calling about the 2011 Sienna he came to look at.

Me: Yes, he stopped in after work one day just to check it out; we are not looking to purchase at this time.

Mr. Salesman: So he didn't like it?

Me: That isn't what I said. I told you we just wanted to see what was different from our van right now and we will not be purchasing.

More questions, more of me telling him we don't want to buy right now.

Mr. Salesman: Can you have him call me?

Me: (Mr. Salesman just said the wrong thing; this is where I figure out that I might have a control issue) No, I will not tell him.

Mr. Salesman: What?

Me: The last time you called I told him and his words to me were "I was just checking it out" so no, I won't tell him to call you; we will not be purchasing a new van.

He promptly hung up and I'm sure called J's work number as fast as he could.

A bit of advice for other Mr. Salesmen; don't assume the man makes all the financial decisions in the family. You may just encounter a head-strong woman who will plant her feet securely in the sand just because you asked "will you have him call me."

Maybe I need some control therapy.